There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
