oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
