This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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