I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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