Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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