We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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