I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
