remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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