why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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