ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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