What did we do last night that was yellow?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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