FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
