I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
