thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
