Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
