By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
