I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
