No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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