2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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