Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
