9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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