bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
