I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
