I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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