I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
