We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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