Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we made out on top of his cat.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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