some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
