My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
