oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
