that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
