That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
