her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
