I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
