dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
