Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
