Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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