no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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