She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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