FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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