i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
