Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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