Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
