I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
