I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
