I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
