The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
