Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
