Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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