no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No subtext here. People are naked.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
