I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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