I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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