She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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