At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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