First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
