Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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