I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
