I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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