man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
