How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
