News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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