Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
