I can text with my tongue
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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