I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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