My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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