awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
