how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
this hospital has no fireball
my poor anus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
