Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
