Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize