Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
