He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
