I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
