Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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