I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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