I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
