found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
