I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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