i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes