he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.