I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family