Do you still have your period?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
