I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.