I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later