i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
