that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
