i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
