A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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