I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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