My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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