Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
