just tell him i said nine months
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
