It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
