dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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