Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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