Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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