I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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